By focusing on creating treasured memories rather than accumulating ‘things’, Kylie has changed her family’s approach to materialism and set new family traditions that her children will cherish forever.
First published on May 8, 2018 at kidspot.com.au
What are some of your favourite childhood memories? Climbing a tree in your backyard? Learning to do a backflip on the trampoline? Staying up all night at a friend’s sleepover? Watching your beloved footy team win the grand final? Going on a family holiday?
Now try and recall five memorable birthday or Christmas gifts you received as a kid … It’s a tough ask, isn’t it? In hindsight, it’s easy to see that the things we ‘did’ when we were children were far more memorable than the things we ‘got’.
Look, I’m no expert at this; I’ll be the first to admit that my two children have way too much stuff. They’re lucky kids, spoilt by the generosity of family, friends and especially – I’ll admit it – their doting parents. Their bedrooms are jam-packed with so many toys and books that they can’t possibly value much of it at all. They just don’t need so many things!
It was while on my hands and knees one evening, trying to put order to the seemingly endless chaos of my five-year-old son’s messy bedroom, that I realised our situation really had to change. All this ‘stuff’ wasn’t doing my kids, Gracie and Felix, any good at all and I sure as hell didn’t want to add any more to their mountainous piles of discarded toys, especially as I always seemed to be the one tidying it all up!
Felix and his family travelled to New Zealand for his birthday. Image: Supplied
The memory gift
Which is why last year, as Felix’s sixth birthday drew near, my husband and I decided to gift him with something far more valuable and memorable than yet another toy. While sitting at the dinner table discussing his forthcoming birthday, we asked him not what he wanted us to buy him but rather what he wanted to do in celebration.
“I want to go to New Zealand,” he’d replied.
I’d laughed nervously and given my husband, Cas, a sly look across the table in disbelief. Really? NEW ZEALAND?? It sounded far more expensive and time-consuming than I’d bargained for when choosing this new ‘stuff-free’ approach.
But after doing some research that evening, we discovered that a holiday to New Zealand was, in fact, achievable. Not only was it close to home and easy to travel to, it wasn’t as expensive as I’d assumed and we’d all get to enjoy an awesome family holiday as part of the deal.
That night we began planning our trip, deciding where to go and what we wanted to do when we got there. I booked us cheap flights with Air New Zealand, hired a car and secured hotel and Airbnb accommodation along our chosen travel route. We were to fly into Christchurch and from there take 10 leisurely days to explore the South Island. Our birthday destination was Wanaka, where we planned to meet up with friends before flying home from Queenstown.
Celebrating the big ‘6’. Image: Supplied
A holiday to remember
Felix’s New Zealand holiday turned out to be a truly epic family adventure. After a couple of days exploring the awesome city of Christchurch we headed west, stopping overnight at an extraordinary ramshackle guesthouse near Arthur’s Pass called Otira Stagecoach Hotel, full of curious, dusty relics, an endless array of animals and exceptional Kiwi hospitality. We went on to play in mountain snow and to stay at a quaint log house in Hokitika, where we watched the sun set over the water and visited glow worms at dusk.
We rambled though Fox and Franz Josef glaciers and marvelled at their majestic beauty (but were also horrified at the recent speed of their creeping melt). We drove through epic mountain ranges and into rainforested valleys and went bike riding through picturesque Arrowtown. We spent magical days in Wanaka beside the lake and explored the nearby city of Queenstown.
On the day of Felix’s sixth birthday we didn’t give him any gifts. Instead, we filled his room with balloons and went out together for breakfast. Good friends met us at a local climbing centre in Wanaka and surprised our son with a big chocolate cake and together we all sang him Happy Birthday.
Afterwards, we walked around the lake enjoying the sunshine, met cute little ducklings and ate ice cream. By the end of the day, Felix declared his New Zealand birthday the BEST. BIRTHDAY. EVER!!!
Having fun in Hokitika on the west coast of the South Island. Image: Supplied
Set a precedent
Of course, you don’t have to go to the extreme of gifting your child an international holiday for their birthday; you can achieve the same thing much closer to home! You could establish an annual tradition around a celebration or festivity – go fishing, hiking or camping together as a family or visit your child’s favourite restaurant every year for a special celebratory dinner.
As parents, we lead by example, which is a polite way of saying we should ‘practice what we preach’! Be consistent in modelling appropriate behaviour – if your priority is to get the latest phone or clothes or car, it’s likely your kids will adopt those same values. So to set a precedent, instead of asking for presents for your own birthday, you might ask the family to take you to an art gallery or the zoo for the day so you can all share in the experience together.
I’m happy to report that we’re about to go into our second year of ‘memory gifting’ as a family. We’re not always successful at it, and there are certainly times when the occasional material offering has been presented (we’re still working on Santa to change his ways!). But I feel as though we’re moving in the right direction, which is to live a life with less stuff and to prioritise the creation of happy, lasting memories.
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