New research reveals there has been a recent a rise in the number of Australian families with dads taking on the lion’s share of the childcare at home. We chat with a family of almost-two-year-old twins about why they chose to do it and how they make it work.
First published May 17, 2018 at kidspot.com.au
Kane Dennelly may be a bona fide rockstar to fans of his Aussie blues and roots band 19-TWENTY on weekends, but to his two 22 month-old twins, Georgia and Leo, from Monday to Friday he’s just ‘dad’.
“I wear two hats … on the weekend I’m playing on festival stages to people cheering and that sort of thing and you kind of get a bit of an ego,” he laughs. “And then on Monday I’m dealing with screaming kids and pooey nappies and, really, they don’t care what we do or who we are, they just want their dad around, I think.”
Kane is just one of a growing number of Australian men challenging traditional family roles by choosing to be the parent who stays at home to care for the kids while their female partner goes to work, according to a new study released last month by the Australian Institute of Family Studies.
Using detailed data compiled by from previous Australian censuses, researchers discovered that the number of Australian stay-at-home dads increased from 68,500 in 2008 to 80,000 in 2011. And while the percentage may still be small at only four-to-five percent of families, these statistics suggest a fascinating shift; one that suggests more families are opting to do away with out-dated societal expectations and instead arrange their family life to suit their own wants and needs.
For his part, the 31-year-old musician from Nowra, NSW, says being a hands-on dad has helped him put things into perspective. “I think children give you perspective where maybe before having kids, you’d look at certain situations and go, ‘Oh, I wouldn’t do it that way’” he says. “But I think whatever you need to do to survive to get through those early stages, you realise there’s no right or wrong way.”
And babe(s) makes … four!
Kane and Carly’s adorable twins, Leo and Georgia. Picture: Supplied.
Kane and his partner, Carly, had always planned on having kids but, Kane tells Kidspot, finding out they were expecting twins in 2016 came as somewhat of a surprise. “The double-whammy wasn’t something we’d planned for,” Kane laughs. “I remember when we first found out … we were sitting in the sonographer’s room and she said to us, ‘Here’s the baby’, and we had that moment of amazement and then, the next minute, she was like, ‘Oh, and here’s the other one’.
“Carly just dropped the biggest F-bomb and I couldn’t stop laughing …”
At this time, Carly was enjoying a rewarding career as a midwife and Kane was working full time as a manager of two busy Illawarra guitar stores Monday to Friday and touring all over the country with his band on weekends. But things had to change and Carly and Kane wanted to share the love and responsibilities their babies would bring to their lives.
Both wanting to be home as often as they could with their kids, Kane says he sat down during Carly’s pregnancy and did some sums to ensure it was a financially viable option for them to cut back on their work. “I did a budget for six months to see if it was possible for me to quit my job and just work on the weekends (as a musician) so I could be home during the week,” he says. “We didn’t want to be scratching to live but we thought that if we had a bit of money, everything else would sort of take care of itself.”
After the twins were born, Carly took 12 months of maternity leave and Kane quit his day job. “We decided to treat it like a trial to see how it’d go for us,” Kane says. “And now, here we are nearly two years later, and it seems to be working just fine.”
Parenting over paid work
Musician Kane Dennelly in his workday role as a stay-at-home-dad to twins Leo (pictured) and Georgia. Picture: Supplied.
For Carly, the experience of going back to work while her partner is at home caring for the kids isn’t one she’d ever considered before. “Sometimes I think, this isn’t how I imagined life with a family … I always thought I’d do what my mum did and stay at home and that Kane would be off at work,” she says. “When I went back to work after maternity leave, it took a bit of adjusting for me to be OK with it, I guess, but I actually love my job and I love going to work and by the end of those 12 months, I felt ready to go back.”
Carly has nothing but great things to say about her partner’s parenting. “Kane is an amazing dad,” she says. “He’s so involved and attentive, very caring and he has this great sense of fun.”
Kane is the lead vocalist and guitarist with his band 19 TWENTY, with whom he performs on weekends at festivals and gigs all around the country. Picture: supplied.
But that’s not to say everything is absolutely perfect … Carly says when she first returned to work there were certainly times when she felt upset by not being their child’s go-to parent. “Kane and Leo share a strong bond and it’s been really hard for me at times when Leo has only wanted Kane and he won’t go to me,” she says. “That has really hurt me when I haven’t been able to comfort him.”
Carly says her family’s set-up is unique among their friends, with the exception of some of Kane’s bandmates, whose weekend work commitments offer them the flexibility to be more hands-on during the week. “Most of our friends have dad’s that work, and mum’s that work as well, and then the kids go to daycare,” she says. “I think a lot of our friends, probably think it’s great and maybe even kind of wish they could have something similar.”
Ultimately, Kane and Carly say they’re happy with their set up and hope they can sustain it for as long as possible. “These last few years have just flown by, and I think, you know, the next couple of years are going to do the same and I just want to be here for them,” Carly says.
“A lot of my older mates who have got kids who have grown up now say to me, ‘You’ll never get those years back’, so I want to be there for my kids as well,” Kane agrees. “And right now, providing them with my time is worth way more than anything I could earn or give them.”
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